Divorces Are Expensive: Marriage Ruins Relationships – Or Does It?

“Divorces are expensive. Marriage ruins relationships.”

These are the words I keep hearing over and over again. In fact, I find myself telling almost everyone who shows the slightest interest in me that marriage ruins relationships—because it stops people from making an effort.

Since 2016, I’ve been single —dipping my foot into relationships here and there, only to find that it often feels like too much work for its worth. I find myself dreading the inevitable, the dead end of what it seems like every relationship. I found myself trying my hardest to avoid falling into a mariage trap.

But does a relationship have to have an expiration date?

After years of personal reflection, interviews with inspiring couples, and learning how I, Maeva Farida Smith, love, I’ve uncovered a few truths about how to create a meaningful, lasting relationship—and possibly, a marriage that doesn’t ruin the relationship.

Men, by the time you finish reading this blog, you’ll hold the secret to winning a woman’s heart—the kind of deep, unconditional love where the phrase “Divorces are expensive. Marriage ruins relationships.” doesn’t exist.

My beloved sisters, you’ll discover how to recognise the right man from the start—so you never find yourself stuck in a self-imposed prison. You’ll gain clarity on what to look for, what you truly need, and what a future with the right person can actually look like.

If that sounds good, pour yourself a cup of tea—or whatever you love—and read on.

After Centuries of Love, Shouldn’t We Have Mastered It by Now?

You’d think that after centuries of relationships, we have practised enough to master the art of a good relationship that lasts a lifetime. surely?

We’d have figured it out by now. We would know what it takes to build a deep, soul-satisfying relationship that stands the test of time.

We pour so much energy into careers, fitness, personal growth, and running businesses, constantly evolving to stay ahead. But when it comes to love, many of us still believe it should just “happen naturally” without much effort.

“A business will never yield 100% ROI—but put the same effort into a relationship, and the result is guaranteed.”

And yet, divorces are expensive. And yes, marriage ruins relationships—when it’s done without self-awareness and intention.

The Foundation of a Healthy Relationship

The road to a thriving relationship begins with two powerful pillars: trust and authenticity. Trust that they are in a safe environment to be vulnerable enough to communicate their wants and needs. This, in turn, would bring out the authenticity in a person.

What do I mean by that?

If you are in a relationship and are made to feel like you have to be someone else to be perfect for your partner (emphasis on “made to feel”—these are feelings someone stirs in you through their words or actions), or if your needs are constantly neglected, that’s a red flag.

Love should feel safe. It should feel real. It should feel like you belong. And it should absolutely never feel like a performance.

Secondly—for all that is mighty—please, do not settle. Find someone who gives you butterflies.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, will eventually find their person, with self-reflection and a little patience. 

Please remember, you are ideally going to spend the rest of your life with this person. So take your time and find that person who makes you feel like,,,,,,,,,, “Yes! That!” Only you will know what that feels like. It’s a sense of belonging, being heard, feeling protected, and most of all, being loved for exactly who you are.

That is your bare minimum. Your basic requirement. Your non-negotiable foundation.

So now that we’ve got that straight, let’s dive into how to have the best relationship that leads to a happy marriage.

Advice for Men: The 3 -Traits of a Desirable Masculine Man

The 3-Ps 

Every woman, whether soft, fierce, independent, or nurturing, craves a masculine man. Not macho. Masculine. Mr Right, if you will.

What are the 3 Ps?

Protect, Provide and Profess

A masculine man protects—physically, emotionally, spiritually. 

What do these traits look like in a masculine man? They are very subtle to the extent where you hear someone say, I feel loved and protected, when I am with him, I feel at home.

This man would make sure that you are looked after financially, with simple things that he can do whilst you are on a dating phase, things like paying for your car park because you have to drive to him every weekend (even though he knows that you can afford to do so yourself)- he wants to take some financial burden off of you.

He will notice little things that you like to do in your daily life and try to mimic this at his house to make you feel at home, simple things like getting your favourite candle so you can light it when at his house to make you feel at home. He will either top up or completely buy a new set of your toiletries to make it easier for you to live between houses without much effort. You might find a new pair of slippers, a robe similar to what you usually have.

 He will just want to make you feel comfortable and not struggle in any way, he is aware that he does not have all the insight into your life, but since he is a provider, he wants to make sure whatever it is that you might or might not be struggling with he is involved in.

This man is unknowingly investing in his future with you. He understands that a time may come when he loses everything or faces long-term illness—and he trusts that, because you know the kind of man he is and how he went out of his way to provide when he could, you’ll choose to stand by him through thick and thin.

Here is a little secret my dear ledies, if a man sees future with you, he will invest no matter what his paycheck is. If a man is not doing this, he is just not thinking of you as his future. Why invest?

This kind of man will instinctively move you to the safer side of the street without saying a word. Most of the time, he isn’t even aware he’s doing it—it’s just the natural instinct of a protector kicking in when he’s near something he values.

He’s never shy about letting you know how much you mean to him or how eager he is to introduce you to his friends and family. Through his actions, he makes you feel like you truly belong with him—that no one in the world could be more right for you.

He claims you. Publicly, privately, passionately. He’s not afraid to say “You’re mine” and show the world. Once, someone I loved played me “Consider Me” by Allen Stone and said, and I am paraphrasing “, This song is how I feel about you.”

That? That is sexy.

A masculine man listens, remembers what lights you up, and surprises you with it months later. He plans birthdays, gathers your favourite people, and smiles watching you smile.

When a woman experiences this kind of man, she stands by his side through everything.

Marriage: The Dream We Secretly Still Hold

Divorces Are Expensive: Marriage Ruins Relationships, No matter how scarred or jaded we become, a woman who values romance and family still dreams of hearing the words, “Will you marry me?”

Spoiler alert to all men: When a woman loves you and you ask her to marry you, she doesn’t think, ” your banck account and I ,we’ll live happily ever after”

She thinks, “Oh my God, this is the best day of my life. He must truly love me to want me in his life forever.”

And ladies, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this too. Comment below.

Expensive Divorce: What Makes or Breaks the Future

Divorces Are Expensive: Marriage Ruins Relationships.Want to avoid the pain of divorce? Then be intentional from the start.

Reflect on who you are, what matters to you, and the kind of partner who would be able to bring the best version of you when you are with them. That person may not be flashy. 

He may be the quiet, nerdy guy next door. She may not be a filtered 20-something. She might be your neighbour, or even older than you.

“The right person invests in your joy. The wrong person invests in your misery.”

If you’ve always wanted to learn guitar, book your first lesson and buy your first guitar. If you love cycling, they surprise you with the exact gear you’ve been eyeing online. Why? Because they listen. Because they care.

And because they give so generously, you’ll naturally want to give just as much in return like this, you’ll want to give just as much in return, and before you know it you becomes entingled in the most wonderful game of affection and romance.

This is how divorce becomes irrelevant—because every day, you’re building love, brick by brick. Your focus shifts to what she/he did yesterday, not what they failed to do.

Sisterhood Advice: What Luxury Can’t Buy

Although a man’s bank account can be enticing, ask yourself this: Can you imagine living a life where you’re in a relationship, yet feel painfully alone and unseen by the very person who’s supposed to love you completely?

The wrong man, with all the money in the world, can bring exactly that to you.

My Story

When I was married, I was given everything I ever asked for.

A Land Cruiser with a fridge? Pick a colour. 

A designer bag? Name it! 

Buying cheap clothes was something I would deeply judge you for, it was not my style. I had a nanny to look after my children, a chef to cook for me, and a driver to drive me anywhere I so wish.

Every Friday, you will find me at my favourite Spa from 10 – 4 p.m. 

My house? For the curious, it was the grand mansion, 6 bedrooms, home gym, jacuzzi, you name it, well, I kind of had it. And yet—I had never felt so suffocatingly alone. Imprisoned in my version of hell.

At summer balls and conferences, which we attended a lot of, instead of being proudly introduced to business partners, I sat in some corner, sipping away my life. Actively aware of my loneliness, I wonder why I am even forced to come here today.

I longed for romantic dinners, just the two of us. I could choose the most expensive restaurant and custom-order everything. As long as I am the one who make these arrangements.

I would dress up, full of hope, only to have my efforts met with silence a bloody awkward silence where if I want to make the night go well, quicker, then i must be the one starting the conversation. I’d try to start a conversation, but all I’d get was “yes” or “no.”

On the outside, I had the dream life: a masculine husband, beautiful children, and a mansion full of staff to care for us.

But on the inside, I had never felt so empty and alone.

Yes, at first, I didn’t mind. Every time I felt lonely, I shopped. I hung out with my girlfriends in VIP lounges with private butlers.

But eventually, none of it mattered. The loneliness settled in.

I looked like a woman who had everything, yet I felt imprisoned by it all.

I am sure by now all of you are screaming, LEAVE!!!! 

Sadly, I did, and I have been single for almost a decade. Deeply scared of getting into a serious relationship until now.

Goes to show that a man’s bank account will never make you happy if he is not present to enjoy the life he offered you.

Conclusion: A Love Worth Having

A masculine man in love naturally shows the 3 Ps: Protect. Provide. Profess. Without these, you’re not in a relationship—you’re in a performance.

Never chase someone to love you. That desperation dims your feminine energy and invites imbalance. You will eventually have to leave.

Look at those so-called “powerful women” who chase emotionally unavailable men. It’s not power. It’s pain in disguise.

But when you find your person, and you will, give yourself full permission to love with all your heart.

So when it doesn’t work out? You will leave the relationship with peace. Knowing you had given it every chance to survive, it just wasn’t the right relationship for you without regret.

---

The wrong person will make sure to stir your inner demons. With every bad attitude, bad treatment you give a woman, she will make sure to multiply it back at you. A lifetime of this is unbearable – hence divorce becomes the escape route.

It does not have to be this way; with a little upfront work and a weekly maintenance, love can be wonderful, magical, enticing, exciting, breathtakingly beautiful.

Until next week, go out there and find the person to love completely, kiss passionately like your future depends on it, because it does.