When Femininity Is Taken for Granted in Relationships

Hello, ladies.
Today’s post is less of a “how-to” and more of a heartfelt reflection—a personal truth that I hope resonates deeply with any woman who’s ever felt unseen in love. If you’re dating across cultures, especially as a woman raised in a traditional African setting, what I’m about to share may feel familiar—and I hope it gives you the clarity and confidence to walk away when needed.

Let’s begin with this: I am who I am because of how I was raised—not despite it.
I was born in East Africa in 1978, in a time and place where girls were raised to become elegant, capable wives. Yes, we were trained to care for a household, a husband, and children—but not in the way outsiders might assume.

In affluent homes like the one I came from, a wife was not a domestic worker. She had help: nannies, cooks, housekeepers. The role of a wife was about nurturing, offering softness, and maintaining a graceful presence in the home. We were taught to be feminine in our energy, presentation, and behavior—but also to be discerning, strong, and self-respecting.

I carry that heritage with pride.
I was raised by women—grandmothers, aunties, and older sisters—who modeled poise, grace, and devotion to family. And while I later broke away from the traditional path to pursue education and independence (thanks to a mother who gave me freedom), the essence of my femininity never left me. It’s who I am at my core.

I dress well. I carry myself with pride. I smell amazing—whether I’m alone or with someone.
I nurture because it’s in my blood.
And that energy, understandably, attracts masculine men. At least, it did—until I moved to the UK.

When Masculinity Fails to Understand Femininity

I met someone who, at first, seemed ideal. He said all the right things. He told me I was special, that he was lucky to have me. But over time, his actions didn’t align with his words—and what he failed to understand about me chipped away at the very foundation of our connection.

Let me give you just a few examples—not to vent, but to illuminate what I believe many nurturing women go through silently.

The Drive That Drove Me Away

1 . I worked long hours, commuting daily, and weekends were my only rest. But instead of resting I had to drive 45 minutes every weekend to spend time with him as to my personal reasons he was not able to come to me. Not once did he offer me his secure parking spot—even temporarily. I had to ask for a permit to park closer. That might sound small, but to a woman like me, who values thoughtful gestures, it screamed: I’m not thinking of you.

The Unseen Load

2 . Packing an overnight bag every Friday after an exhausting work week—carrying it, unpacking it, repacking it—and doing it over and over again without so much as an offer to buy me a few essentials for his place? That wasn’t just physical labor. It was emotional. A man who claims to value a woman should ease her life, not add to her stress.

The Bedroom Truth No One Tells Men

3. Ladies, let’s be honest. Sometimes when we say, “I have a headache,” what we really mean is, “It’s not worth it.”

Men—we want sex. We think about it. Sometimes we crave it badly.
There are times we look at you and we think oh man! I want me some of that badly! But if what you’re offering leaves us disappointed, confused, or emotionally untouched, it becomes a burden. You want us soft and feminine in bed? Then bring the masculine energy that actually considers our pleasure. Ask us. Learn us. Listen. We will gladly tell you how to please us—but you have to show you care enough to ask.

Have you heard the word, too much work than its worth? It has to be worth our time or we DO have a headache – even Panadol will not cure it.

A Word to the Men Who Want Feminine Women

If you desire a nurturing, elegant, feminine woman—know this: you must earn her softness.

You can’t love her while simultaneously trying to change the foundation that shaped her. Telling a woman like me, “I don’t need a mother,” when I do small acts of care is not only ungrateful—it’s disrespectful to the culture and values that made me who I am.

Instead, try to understand her background. Be curious. Be kind. Help her feel safe. Feminine energy blossoms in security. If she has to fight for basic comfort in your presence, she will slowly harden—and eventually, she will leave.

You don’t get the flower if you poison the garden.

A Message to My Sisters

To every woman reading this who feels her nurturing spirit is misunderstood—you are not wrong for loving deeply, for giving, for caring. But please, protect your energy. A good man will recognize your warmth as a gift, not a convenience.

Ladies, no one should make you feel loved while quietly undoing the very parts of you that made you lovable.

Till next time ladies bring the really you out without fear, only tghen will you have the chance to attract the right man for you.